Bommarillu - The Analysis
Time to get philosophical about Bommarillu - The Story!
Parents and children
Let's start with the core theme of the movie: parent-child relationship.
Image source: IMDB
Parents are regarded highly in cultures all around the world. Especially in Indian setting, parents continue to make decisions for their children way beyond their childhood, into their 20s and even in 30s. Often times, these decisions are not based on what their children want, but rather the parents' own unfulfilled dreams or their ideas of the world. Now this isn't to say parents are wrong. Most parents want the best for their children. It's just that their idea of "best" may not be what really is "best for the child". It may not be what makes their child happy in the long run, it may not even be the realistic best.
A possibly extreme case of this decision making is similar to Siddhu's father where parents decide everyday activities of their children way past the onset of adulthood. One might think that the movie exaggerated it, but having experienced quite some of it first-hand and second-hand, I can confirm that it does happen and parents don’t realize it.
To reiterate, I don't think that parents are wrong in caring for their children in their adulthood, however, the boundary between caring, and caring about every tiny detail in their adult chid's life has to be established. As the child grows, parents have to step back from coddling care and instead start taking on the role of a guide.
This doesn’t mean stepping out of the child’s life altogether. Absolutely not! It is about gradually enabling their children to find their path on their own and not worrying about every tiny detail of their everyday life. As they navigate their life, children need their parents’ guidance on matters much more important than how to comb hair or what to wear. Twinkle Khanna penned a wonderful article on a similar topic a few months ago where she concludes:
Our adult children do not need other adults hovering around them. They need supportive friends, and if we want to continue being a part of their lives, then we should assume that position or, like the Chinese, write petitions to make offspring visits a constitutional right.
. . .
I suppose we are more like catapults. A catapult’s job is not to feel the absence of the stone, but to let it go, and then find satisfaction in how well it was guided towards the right trajectory.
It is not a one-way street though. We as children should also appreciate our parents' affectionate care, understand where it’s coming from and yet take a stand when it becomes overbearing. (As I write this, I am now realizing that I have done the latter quite often but former very rarely - note to self). When our parents give us a lot of freedom, they trust us to use that freedom wisely and it is our responsibility to not break that trust.
There is a scene in Bommarillu where parents are discussing how children these days force their parents to accept whatever they like (read - choose partners on their own and don't even bother to ask their parents), while their children are discussing how parents don't care about the children's choices. This is in striking contrast with Siddhu's and Aravind’s (Siddhu’s father) actions in the movie. With all the drinking, abusing and trying to control Hasini, Siddhu isn't the best person out there. However, he respects his parents enough to care about their acceptance of his chosen life partner, Aravind comes to appreciate this while other parents crib about their children. Similarly, when Aravind comes to know about Siddhu's love interest, though not pleased and secretly determined to prove Hasini isn't the right match, he does agree to give the little experiment a try, Siddhu comes to appreciate that his father at least gave him a chance. This is a beautiful realization to both the parties.
Now about taking a stand.. It is easier said than done. Like Siddhu says in the movie, it is easy to blame a parent for not caring, but how can one blame a parent for caring too much? My parents have been overprotective similar to Siddhu's father, but I really never had to dramatically confront them like in the movie because I could express freely at home. But not everyone has similar liberties. What do we do then?
Well, I don't know. It depends on how reasonable one’s parents are. And yet, I feel if one is way into their adulthood and the overbearingness of their parents is something that bothers or holds them back, they should take a stand for themselves in the politest possible way, for their own good.
Other themes
Bommarillu is about a parent's overprotectiveness towards the child. But I feel a similar frustration is involved in any other caring relationship where one ends up being too protective of another. A Marathi movie named "Mangalashtak Once More" handles this topic in the context of a married couple's relationship. While "Mangalashtak Once More" ends up being confused about the point it was trying to make and ends up getting nowhere, the first ~30 minutes give a glimpse into how over-caring can make the one at the receiving end feel suffocated and stop appreciating pleasant aspects of the relationship.
Coming back to Bommarillu... Hasini says while leaving Siddhu's home that earlier he used to call her to say sweet things, now he calls to scold and abuse her to keep his own good-boy image intact. This is a caution for arranged and love marriages alike - the lovey-doveyness of a courtship does not necessarily extend into the entire life ahead with that person.
And lastly, the theme of hypocrisy for acceptance. Siddhu comes to like Hasini because unlike him, she is not shackled by the notions of acceptance by the world, or specifically here, her father's. She does whatever she likes to. But when it comes to being accepted in his family, Siddhu asks Hasini to suppress this very thing that made him fall for her. He makes her behave the way his father expects him to, the very thing that made his own life miserable. Had Hasini complied, acted the way Siddhu wanted and got accepted into the family, was she supposed to behave just the same for the rest of her life? Isn't that what Siddhu's father does to him and makes him miserable? Had she behaved differently for acceptance and gone back to her own ways after the acceptance, wouldn't that be a betrayal to Siddhu's family?
Epilogue
Bommarillu does not paint any character to be an entirely correct or an entirely wrong person. Instead it lays out their flaws in subtle incidents. Siddhu is reckless outside home, he has to let out his frustrations somewhere. In his confrontation, he blames his father for his misery. And yet, he says he will continue being obedient because he doesn't want to hurt him - that's why he kept quiet all these years. Aravind keeps pushing his decisions on his children, not necessarily always to assert his dominance, but because he wants to protect them and give them what he thinks is the best for them. Coming to our cheerful Hasini, she makes friends and trusts everyone. That’s not realistically safe either, we see that in the college fight incident when a bunch of guys Hasini considers “friends” tease her disrespectfully and Siddhu beats them up. Despite being called a drunkard by his own daughter, Hasini’s father’s concerns are not misplaced.
Moreover, I feel the best thing about Bommarillu is that none of these revelations comes through preaching. Nobody ever explicitly says what is or is not the right thing to do, rather the messages are conveyed by the actions of the characters.
Such is my love for Bommarillu that I can’t even keep the epilogue short! I watched it again while writing the first post and realized there are many more themes running in this movie. The ones I described hit home more strikingly and even differently now that I am much older and relatively more familial.
As with my previous rewatches, this rewatch of Bommarillu was also throughly enjoyable and increased my appreciation for it by several folds. If there was only one Telugu movie I had to watch and recommend everyone, I will undoubtedly always pick Bommarillu!
Anthena?? Inkem Kavali?? Veelaithe nalugu maatalu, Kudirithe cup coffee?